Jun. 16th, 2015

myaru: (Dragon Age - Alistair)
I feel weird and aimless without fan fiction. I haven't done much with it for a few years now, but instead of getting used to that and making it my new default, I just have periodic thoughts like "life would be better with some kind of fandom obsession," or... no, that's about it. Twelve years of doing fandom stuff will have this result, I guess.

Maybe I just haven't found the thing that'll obsess me for the next four years, and I will go back, eventually, though I don't plan on it; there were long stretches of time between Xenogears and Suikoden, and then between Suikoden and Fire Emblem. But... wouldn't it be so nice if the next thing to obsess me happened to be something of my own? I am working on my own projects, after all. (Slowly. Very slowly.) And twelve years ago (coincidence?) I was super obsessed with a project of my very own. It can happen! How, when, or why, though? Those are the questions I haven't answered yet.

What this makes me think about, however, is how I feel about my fan fiction years. Not bad; my fandom days weren't always drama-free, obviously, but I don't regret writing the fan fiction. In fact, I don't even regret writing stupid, repetitive pairing fan fiction, because I enjoyed it! And since the only thing I can count on getting out of fanfic is enjoyment (since money and prestige/a profession are out of the question), I see no reason to regret it. No, not even the heaps of Sephiran/Sanaki drivel I wrote. I enjoyed imagining it. I enjoyed writing it. I don't regret any of it.

So. There's that.

Maybe, after working on the "serious" version of my current story, I should write something stupid with the same characters. Or maybe I'll do that in the middle of the process instead. Everybody needs a break from wearing their Serious Face once in a while.

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