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Writing, inspiration, discipline, and the mind playing tricks on itself.
My plans to write an entry on daily writing have turned into a long ramble about discipline instead, and what people consider its opposite: inspiration. I've lost count of how many friends have told me to give myself a break and write when I'm inspired instead of enforcing a daily word count; it should be fun, you say, writing shouldn't feel like work, and if it does then something is wrong. It's true that forcing yourself to write in a stressful or tragic situation is a bad idea, and it's also true that forcing the words out during a period of burnout will most likely be counterproductive. I can't argue with that. February and March proved those claims true.
But-- there is a difference between forcing oneself to work through stress and depression, and exercising personal discipline. If your aunt is in the hospital with a serious condition and you're twisting yourself in knots over whether she'll be okay or not, forcing yourself to write instead of visiting her isn't discipline - it's ridiculous. Go see your aunt. Bake some cookies if she's allowed to eat them, or better yet, take some shampoo, because hospitals have really crappy shampoo, and nobody likes lying around in the same bed for three weeks with dirty, reeking hair. If you can write after that, however, then why not?
If you're tired, or bored, or you'd rather be playing a game, or making cookies - all of which are common problems for me - then pushing yourself to write 1500 words before you do those things isn't "forcing yourself." It isn't too hard. It isn't too much work. I write 1300 words per hour on average, give or take a few hundred depending on how inspired I might be, or how well the project is going. I'm also unemployed (or shall we say "self-employed?"), which means I have seven days a week to write, and very little of that time is required for other things. On a normal daytime schedule, it's possible to devote a full eight hours a day to writing. That's a little over ten thousand words per day that I could be writing, technically, if I had that kind of discipline. I don't.
That isn't the goal, though. The goal is to write 1500 words a day. Nothing but fear, laziness, or voluntary obligations will get in the way. What makes that hour and fifteen minutes of work happen? Discipline.
Now, I don't believe in the claim that writing every day will result in the words always being there for you when it's time to sit down and type. That's a myth, at least in my own world. I've written almost every day for two years, and half the time I'll sit down at the keyboard and find that I practically have to crack my head open and reach in manually to pull the story out, but eventually I get started - and once I'm over that hurdle, I'm fine. The process of writing turns into its own inspiration. It feeds itself, it pulls me in, and that story I was reluctant to start becomes the most interesting thing in the world.
Usually.
So how do you define inspiration, anyway? The most common version is probably what I call the bolt-of-lightning - you know, those moments when ideas hit you like a punch in the face and suddenly you have the whole story (or picture) mapped out in your head, and that problem you were struggling with for two years is suddenly solved? I love those. Moments like that are why we have the concept of a muse, or divine inspiration. That's exactly what it feels like. Too bad it hardly ever happens! I can only speak for myself, of course, but I don't think we'd have so many movies and books about struggling, angsty artists if I were the only one who languishes for months between those flashes of genius.
There are other forms of inspiration. Above, I said that the writing process itself is inspiring, and by that I mean that working on a project makes me think about my characters, setting, or plot, and drives me to see the scene to its conclusion; that means writing, even if I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to get Primrose to throw her fan, or make Sephiran try to punch someone, because trying to figure that out means getting into the character's head, and once I start thinking the way they do, I'm there. That's all I think about. It's a tiny strike of inspiration - more like being shocked when you open the car door. Likewise, I find that just thinking through a scene or storyline while I'm doing something else will get my head in the right place to start writing when I'm finished with whatever is occupying my hands at the moment: cutting vegetables, maybe, or taking a shower. Walking and commuting also give me time and energy to think through my stories or play with characters, since there's very little else I can do; reading on the train will wreak havoc on my body (with either a headache or motion sickness), it's very hard to take a walk while reading and not run into things, and I wouldn't recommend cooking with a notepad in one hand, either. But action, movement, can be inspiring. The key is to think about it - discipline your mind, make yourself focus on your own story instead of someone else's. Stop thinking about that fight with your mom the other day, and what you would say differently if you had the chance.
Discipline is almost synonymous with structure. It's more effective to say "I'll write from three-thirty to four this afternoon," than it is to say "I'll get some writing done some time today." The second example inevitably leads to procrastination, especially if the project isn't going well. This happens to me all the time. I am the queen of procrastination, and that's central to why I'm writing this thing. If it's so easy for me to create inspiration once I get going, why am I constantly complaining about not meeting my goals?
It's hard to start a new story. It's hard to begin a new scene, or introduce a new character. It's hard to get through the boring middle of the book when I'd rather write the exciting endgame instead. Maybe I want to see what'll happen to the group of characters I'm writing about, but the prospect of writing the next ten thousand words is daunting, and it would be so much easier to just play it out in my head. A novel, all by itself, is a pretty tall order for someone like me, who hasn't ever completed a single piece of fiction longer than forty thousand words.
What if I can't do it?
What if I do it wrong?
What if nobody likes it?
What if it's a bad idea?
Never mind the harder questions that really undercut my confidence: do I have the skill to do this? Am I improving at all? Should I just give it up while I'm ahead and get some kind of desk job? Where am I on the scale of crap to quality? Do I even want to know?
I hate self-help books, and I hate optimism, but I can't deny that people are right when they say that thinking negatively will stop a novel in its tracks. The more you think you can't do it, the harder it gets to complete the project. The single biggest contributing factor to my recent blocks has been depression. Worse, that depression has been self-inflicted on several occasions. I talked myself into being depressed by answering all of those questions negatively every day. I finally stopped when I picked up two books on writing a novel in thirty days, because they both told me the same thing, and they were right: think positively, and the words will march out onto the screen like they're supposed to, even if I'm not feeling inspired. That - thinking positively - also requires discipline, which I'm very bad at.
My mind has come up with ways to combat the very idea of requiring myself to do anything, especially work. For example, the moment I think about starting a new story or chapter, I'm suddenly very tired, though I felt perfectly fine five minutes ago. It's not unusual to get a sudden craving for something - a fresh cup of coffee, a cookie. I tend to schedule my time before lunch, so cooking something long and involved is also a temptation I have to ignore. Dinner prep - say, chopping bell peppers - is another one. How about brushing my hair, or braiding it? Doing the laundry, folding clothes, cleaning up my desk, scrubbing the sink-- oh, and the floor needs to be vacuumed.
Or hey, maybe I can just pace around, or take a walk, because walking inspires me - right?
I've read in several places that fear is the motivator of procrastination. Maybe that's not true in every situation, but it is in this one. And maybe you're all right - it's stupid to beat myself up over not meeting my daily word goal, especially if I'm only two hundred words short. But when you tell me that I shouldn't be so strict with my writing requirements - that I should give it a break and write when I'm inspired - this is what I want to say (which I never say, because it makes me sound like a jerk):
We aren't talking about fandom. This isn't just a hobby for me. I'm writing because I love doing it, yes, and because it can be really fun, sure, but my goal doesn't involve sitting around and waiting for inspiration to strike. You might be able to write a novel that way, but it'll take a hell of a long time, and you won't meet any deadlines while doing it. Writing professionally isn't just about the creating - it's about the second word too. Professionals do their jobs. Hopefully, they do them well. What they don't do is sit around and wait for the planets to align before they start on their scheduled tasks.
Inspiration might get the story started, but discipline is what will get it done. I think that's the beginning and end of it.
For me, that means writing fifteen hundred words a day, five days a week - and I'm going easy on myself with this schedule, as a concession to my recent burnout. My attitude could use some adjustment, but I don't think I'm on the wrong track with what I'm trying to do. It's necessary to reach my goal.
.
Regarding fandom, I'm working with the assumption that there aren't any obligations in writing fan fiction. You can start a multi-chapter fic and then drop it ten chapters later if you're not feeling it, and all you'll have is a few disappointed readers - that is, if you're lucky enough to have an audience. The same is not true of pro fiction. You don't just drop projects or contracts unless you want to sabotage your career. And you won't get that career to begin with if you don't get off your ass and write.
I'm really bad at the "get off your ass" part of that last sentence. Really, really bad.
This has been a long year. Almost all of it has been spent figuring out how I write, how my brain sabotages my productivity, how to scrape inspiration from the bottom of the barrel, and how to motivate myself. Only some of it has been spent writing. If you ask me how I motivate myself to sit down at three thirty and write, I'll have to tell you that I use straight-up bribery: write the scene, play more Tales of Symphonia. Hit at least twenty thousand words with that novel, and then go buy a paperback. Etc. That last problem - motivation - is still tripping me up.
Step one: stop wasting time with LJ entries and write more Golden Sigil.
Step two: ...
But-- there is a difference between forcing oneself to work through stress and depression, and exercising personal discipline. If your aunt is in the hospital with a serious condition and you're twisting yourself in knots over whether she'll be okay or not, forcing yourself to write instead of visiting her isn't discipline - it's ridiculous. Go see your aunt. Bake some cookies if she's allowed to eat them, or better yet, take some shampoo, because hospitals have really crappy shampoo, and nobody likes lying around in the same bed for three weeks with dirty, reeking hair. If you can write after that, however, then why not?
If you're tired, or bored, or you'd rather be playing a game, or making cookies - all of which are common problems for me - then pushing yourself to write 1500 words before you do those things isn't "forcing yourself." It isn't too hard. It isn't too much work. I write 1300 words per hour on average, give or take a few hundred depending on how inspired I might be, or how well the project is going. I'm also unemployed (or shall we say "self-employed?"), which means I have seven days a week to write, and very little of that time is required for other things. On a normal daytime schedule, it's possible to devote a full eight hours a day to writing. That's a little over ten thousand words per day that I could be writing, technically, if I had that kind of discipline. I don't.
That isn't the goal, though. The goal is to write 1500 words a day. Nothing but fear, laziness, or voluntary obligations will get in the way. What makes that hour and fifteen minutes of work happen? Discipline.
Now, I don't believe in the claim that writing every day will result in the words always being there for you when it's time to sit down and type. That's a myth, at least in my own world. I've written almost every day for two years, and half the time I'll sit down at the keyboard and find that I practically have to crack my head open and reach in manually to pull the story out, but eventually I get started - and once I'm over that hurdle, I'm fine. The process of writing turns into its own inspiration. It feeds itself, it pulls me in, and that story I was reluctant to start becomes the most interesting thing in the world.
Usually.
So how do you define inspiration, anyway? The most common version is probably what I call the bolt-of-lightning - you know, those moments when ideas hit you like a punch in the face and suddenly you have the whole story (or picture) mapped out in your head, and that problem you were struggling with for two years is suddenly solved? I love those. Moments like that are why we have the concept of a muse, or divine inspiration. That's exactly what it feels like. Too bad it hardly ever happens! I can only speak for myself, of course, but I don't think we'd have so many movies and books about struggling, angsty artists if I were the only one who languishes for months between those flashes of genius.
There are other forms of inspiration. Above, I said that the writing process itself is inspiring, and by that I mean that working on a project makes me think about my characters, setting, or plot, and drives me to see the scene to its conclusion; that means writing, even if I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to get Primrose to throw her fan, or make Sephiran try to punch someone, because trying to figure that out means getting into the character's head, and once I start thinking the way they do, I'm there. That's all I think about. It's a tiny strike of inspiration - more like being shocked when you open the car door. Likewise, I find that just thinking through a scene or storyline while I'm doing something else will get my head in the right place to start writing when I'm finished with whatever is occupying my hands at the moment: cutting vegetables, maybe, or taking a shower. Walking and commuting also give me time and energy to think through my stories or play with characters, since there's very little else I can do; reading on the train will wreak havoc on my body (with either a headache or motion sickness), it's very hard to take a walk while reading and not run into things, and I wouldn't recommend cooking with a notepad in one hand, either. But action, movement, can be inspiring. The key is to think about it - discipline your mind, make yourself focus on your own story instead of someone else's. Stop thinking about that fight with your mom the other day, and what you would say differently if you had the chance.
Discipline is almost synonymous with structure. It's more effective to say "I'll write from three-thirty to four this afternoon," than it is to say "I'll get some writing done some time today." The second example inevitably leads to procrastination, especially if the project isn't going well. This happens to me all the time. I am the queen of procrastination, and that's central to why I'm writing this thing. If it's so easy for me to create inspiration once I get going, why am I constantly complaining about not meeting my goals?
It's hard to start a new story. It's hard to begin a new scene, or introduce a new character. It's hard to get through the boring middle of the book when I'd rather write the exciting endgame instead. Maybe I want to see what'll happen to the group of characters I'm writing about, but the prospect of writing the next ten thousand words is daunting, and it would be so much easier to just play it out in my head. A novel, all by itself, is a pretty tall order for someone like me, who hasn't ever completed a single piece of fiction longer than forty thousand words.
What if I can't do it?
What if I do it wrong?
What if nobody likes it?
What if it's a bad idea?
Never mind the harder questions that really undercut my confidence: do I have the skill to do this? Am I improving at all? Should I just give it up while I'm ahead and get some kind of desk job? Where am I on the scale of crap to quality? Do I even want to know?
I hate self-help books, and I hate optimism, but I can't deny that people are right when they say that thinking negatively will stop a novel in its tracks. The more you think you can't do it, the harder it gets to complete the project. The single biggest contributing factor to my recent blocks has been depression. Worse, that depression has been self-inflicted on several occasions. I talked myself into being depressed by answering all of those questions negatively every day. I finally stopped when I picked up two books on writing a novel in thirty days, because they both told me the same thing, and they were right: think positively, and the words will march out onto the screen like they're supposed to, even if I'm not feeling inspired. That - thinking positively - also requires discipline, which I'm very bad at.
My mind has come up with ways to combat the very idea of requiring myself to do anything, especially work. For example, the moment I think about starting a new story or chapter, I'm suddenly very tired, though I felt perfectly fine five minutes ago. It's not unusual to get a sudden craving for something - a fresh cup of coffee, a cookie. I tend to schedule my time before lunch, so cooking something long and involved is also a temptation I have to ignore. Dinner prep - say, chopping bell peppers - is another one. How about brushing my hair, or braiding it? Doing the laundry, folding clothes, cleaning up my desk, scrubbing the sink-- oh, and the floor needs to be vacuumed.
Or hey, maybe I can just pace around, or take a walk, because walking inspires me - right?
I've read in several places that fear is the motivator of procrastination. Maybe that's not true in every situation, but it is in this one. And maybe you're all right - it's stupid to beat myself up over not meeting my daily word goal, especially if I'm only two hundred words short. But when you tell me that I shouldn't be so strict with my writing requirements - that I should give it a break and write when I'm inspired - this is what I want to say (which I never say, because it makes me sound like a jerk):
We aren't talking about fandom. This isn't just a hobby for me. I'm writing because I love doing it, yes, and because it can be really fun, sure, but my goal doesn't involve sitting around and waiting for inspiration to strike. You might be able to write a novel that way, but it'll take a hell of a long time, and you won't meet any deadlines while doing it. Writing professionally isn't just about the creating - it's about the second word too. Professionals do their jobs. Hopefully, they do them well. What they don't do is sit around and wait for the planets to align before they start on their scheduled tasks.
Inspiration might get the story started, but discipline is what will get it done. I think that's the beginning and end of it.
For me, that means writing fifteen hundred words a day, five days a week - and I'm going easy on myself with this schedule, as a concession to my recent burnout. My attitude could use some adjustment, but I don't think I'm on the wrong track with what I'm trying to do. It's necessary to reach my goal.
.
Regarding fandom, I'm working with the assumption that there aren't any obligations in writing fan fiction. You can start a multi-chapter fic and then drop it ten chapters later if you're not feeling it, and all you'll have is a few disappointed readers - that is, if you're lucky enough to have an audience. The same is not true of pro fiction. You don't just drop projects or contracts unless you want to sabotage your career. And you won't get that career to begin with if you don't get off your ass and write.
I'm really bad at the "get off your ass" part of that last sentence. Really, really bad.
This has been a long year. Almost all of it has been spent figuring out how I write, how my brain sabotages my productivity, how to scrape inspiration from the bottom of the barrel, and how to motivate myself. Only some of it has been spent writing. If you ask me how I motivate myself to sit down at three thirty and write, I'll have to tell you that I use straight-up bribery: write the scene, play more Tales of Symphonia. Hit at least twenty thousand words with that novel, and then go buy a paperback. Etc. That last problem - motivation - is still tripping me up.
Step one: stop wasting time with LJ entries and write more Golden Sigil.
Step two: ...
no subject
I feel like what you are doing is training your writing stamina, which is definitely a necessary skill-- but my concern is that you're somewhat neglecting everything else that comes with writing for that single focus, which may, in fact, be far more important than 'being able to write a lot on demand'. You point out you work on characters/story/development while in the writing process, but it seems to me those might deserve focus and attention all on their own individually without the pressing need for writing stamina exercise.
If I had to hazard a guess, based on what you've said, you're doing yourself a disservice by comparing yourself so frequently to what other writers do, and your pride as a writer and your strong desire to better yourself at the cost of, well, yourself, are what is getting in the way.
I type too much. Apparently, /I/ need to work on being concise. Summarize, /hah/.
Anyway, perhaps you ought to just start trying other strategies-- something else might work better for you. Maybe consider not having writing be the only 'work' you do-- find something else, something unrelated, and do your writing on the side of it (since as you say, you can generally meet your deadline in an hour or so). Give your mind time to rest those particular skills while you exercise something else, that way you also can't say you're being 'unproductive' in the time you don't spend writing. Guilt and chastising yourself for not using your other time to write is probably not helping, either-- if anything, it just probably sends you further into a spiral of negative thought which, notably, affects your writing.
Basically I've rewritten this comment three times in the last 20 minutes so I am just going to stop there. I have a lot more thoughts on the matter, most of them complicated, but I'm suffering from cramps, sleep deprivation, and dehydration, so I'm not going to be very clear about them right now.
no subject
No, I'm not totally okay and pumped up to write, right now. I'm also not pushing myself to meet the same monthly goals I used to. I only feel a tiny bit guilty when I decide to play Tales of Symphonia instead of write. But I feel worse when I just don't write. If I just stop, I can be pretty sure, based on previous experience, that I'll get depressed again. It happened at school, it happened after graduation. I feel like crap if I don't spend some of my time writing.
Anyway. I'm trying to train myself to write consistently, yes. That doesn't necessarily exclude the other elements of writing you're talking about, though. Practicing characterization, for instance, has some non-writing steps (maybe reading a story, and then taking steps to analyze, also compiling/applying that information to something you want to do as practice), but you still have to write. Just because you think you know how to apply the lesson doesn't mean that you can do it without practice. That's why I wanted to write a novel in the first place, instead of working on another short story - because a novel isn't just an exercise in word count (if it were, I would be failing), but also in plotting and structuring scenes, which are weaknesses of mine. Once the draft is finished, it becomes another exercise: that's when I tweak the characterization and see which subplots need to be written, among other things. That's the only way I'm going to see where I go wrong when using multiple character POVs, because in theory my ideas work fine, or seem to.
I can't work on the writing (vs. word count) in a vacuum. I need something to work on, and coming up with new or random stuff for every exercise defeats the purpose, in my opinion. That encourages exploration, sure, but it's also pretty shallow. And there are times when I'm faced with a prompt and can't think of a damned thing, even when I'm not blocked.
This novel - it isn't about publishing, at least not directly. I have no intention of turning my current project into something saleable. The purpose of its existence is to give me a chance to try things I've never done before, and refine skills that maybe I already have, but don't use very well. And again, that can only be done by actually writing.
I'm also doing a lot of gaming right now (more gaming than writing), and thinking of taking some classes on beadwork/jewelry making, because sewing isn't something I enjoy terribly much. My reading has slowed down, but it'll probably pick up again. Just because I say my goal is to write five days a week doesn't mean that I do it - just that it's my goal. And I don't actually think it's unrealistic. It has days off built-in, besides. I need to give myself some kind of structure, because I know that I'll just stray off-course and do nothing at all without it. I'm not doing these things just because I think it makes me a real writer, or because other writers do them. I'm taking steps that I think will help me in some way or another. Discipline is one of those things I have never had, and as a result, I have never "done my best" or truly worked hard on anything. People seem to think I work hard on my fan fiction, and that's kind of true, yet at the same time, not really, because after a while I stopped making attempts to raise the bar for myself, or to improve my skills.
For what it's worth, I don't feel as bad about original fiction as I do about fan fiction. This novel doesn't come with as much baggage as my last fic attempt.
Also, haha, if we're talking about concise... um. It's not my middle name.
no subject
This is a pretty tried-and-true method of getting through any kind of creative block, and it can often lead to better insights into the things you prefer to do.
Part of the issue is possibly pride, which was always a huge issue for me (and remains so). This is actually why I stopped doing fanart-- holding myself to high standards, ideals, and comparison to A) other people's art and B) the original art was just killing my drive to even -try-. For that reason I still don't always enjoy trying to draw character art, because of so many limitations I'm somehow placing on myself to make it 'good'. I do like to try, I do want to improve, but it destroys me slowly and makes me ashamed to draw after a while, haha;;;
But that's why I try to switch between character art and my freeform fish/watercolor art. It's a totally different method of creating an image, and if I get tired/frustrated with one form, I swap to the other, and soon enough I can go back and be good at the other thing again.
Anyway, overall, the way you write about your writers block and your issues with discipline make it come across like this just really isn't working for you, or that it isn't helping you make the improvements you want to make, and that's probably why you get a lot of suggestions to 'try doing this a different way'. Most of what you write parallels what I deal with in terms of my art, and I can't say that the solution I've found (put myself in an energetic, creative environment with other people and I am productive as /hell/) would necessarily work for your particular predicament.
Personal deadlines are the hardest to meet, and I think they always will be. I find it to be much easier to be productive when someone -else- is expecting something from me.
This comment is, as the one before, poorly written and thought out, but this time I blame the codeine :P
Though, have you been submitting your original fiction to any kind if literary magazine, blog, or anything else?
ETA: Also, I forgot to mention, beading/jewelry making classes are -fun- and extremely rewarding. DO IT.
no subject
I took one look at the bead section when we were at JoAnn's for yarn and was like, SHINYYYYYY. No idea if it will, in fact, be a better fit than sewing, but I want to try. It seems like it'd give me my fill of playing with pretty colors and stuff.
Re: the other stuff
I spent almost all of the last year writing fan fiction, and very little of it writing original. Thus, I have one story that's on the way to being good for submission, but it's not there yet. It has some technical flaws I really need to take care of before I try sending it off to a magazine. I also have to find a magazine that will publish that kind of thing, so there's market research involved that I'm doing right now. I've been really lazy about the latter, especially, but it shouldn't be terribly hard - this is the kind of research that involves fiction reading, so I mean.
I think I would benefit from some kind of close-knit writing group, but I would have to find people I trust. I will admit I'm really paranoid, probably more than I need to be.
Also, I think if I'm going to write about writing, I'll have to find a different tack. I tend to complain a lot, and not say anything about the stuff that's going well. That probably doesn't help with my own negativity issues.
no subject
I am going to have to agree that discipline follows inspiration. This is a good point. :-) But I suspect that procrastination happens because of time, rather than fear. I have been discovering that being on the job leaves very little free time, and, because I have very little free time, I am more likely to get writing done in the time I have available. To have a whole day stretching out ahead of you can, IMO, exacerbate the impulse to wait a little while (and wait a little while longer). Granted, time management is useless if one is already blocked and / or exhausted, as I have been, but, if the energy is there, then ... who knows?
Professional fiction has been looking rather grim as of late. I was linked to a tearful LJ post by one Rob(in) Thurman, a fairly popular fantasy author, saying that at least one of her ongoing series had been cancelled by her publisher due to sales not meeting their expectations. She also said that she was not making enough money from what she had already written, and that she might have to go back to a day job she hated to make ends meet. ... It was one of the most depressing things I have read to date. :-( And it made me question the viability of this pursuit as a career.
I mean, if established pros are making peanuts for all the effort they put into this, it makes aspirants like us look just a bit masochistic.
no subject
Yes, too much time can be just as paralyzing as fear in its own way. When you have all the time in the world, you can do almost anything-- which means that it's really hard to decide on a course of action. XD; I get that pretty often. You'd think it would be a blessing. However, for me, there are also elements of fear - or maybe I should say anxiety, since I think "fear" is too strong a word for what makes me put things off. For example: getting a story accepted is almost as scary as getting rejected, and happens to be a lot more complicated. And after you do it once, it's not like you're home free and you've got the job - you have to do it again.
Pro fiction is looking grim in the financial sense, unfortunately. But fortunately or not, it was hammered into my head that writers don't make money, and that's not what I'm in it for. There's always the potential that you'll score some kind of award - those usually come with some kind of cash prize - but other than that, you get peanuts unless you're a big name, it sounds like. I'd be wary if someone offered me eighty thousand for my first contract. That would sound literally too good to be true - a payment you couldn't hope for your book to pay out on, which would tank you pretty much forever.
Authors always made crap money compared to the time they put in. Honestly, I think when you hear about the ones that make enough to live on, they're either working really, really hard at multiple projects, jobs, or they're part of the lucky few. I've never come across someone in this for the money.
no subject
Also, they might be a stay-at-home spouse. Their spouse is likely working a job that enables them to stay at home to pursue their goal. This is really what I would want for myself. If I decided to go into writing books, I'd go this route-- or try to. And why not? If I could be a stay-at-home wife, mother, and author? That'd be perfect.
Though I really never had any serious intentions of writing a novel or anything...
no subject
Creepy. I wonder if I'm related. ;P Do you have a link to that post?
Like I said below, I think a lot of authors would kill for the ability to have time to write like
ie: This could be the opportunity of a lifetime for
I will agree that working a day job led to a lot more productivity from me. I was a lot better about writing during my free time. Now all my time is free time, and I 1.) play World of Warcraft, 2.) forget what day it is, and 3.) watch TV/roll around lamely.
no subject
*thinks* I am one of those people who has to have a job, not because of necessity (though I do need it), but because I go stir crazy if I am at home by myself for too long. Writing has always been a thing for which to budget time, and having whole days to do it (i.e. the rare vacation) did nothing to help me.
no subject
Grab a piece of paper.
Grab your favorite writing implement.
Turn off the internal censor.
Write.
Don't try to control it, don't try to work it out, don't try to tell characters what to do. Just write.
Give me five minutes of uncensored, unadultered, pure brain ramblings. That's all I want. Give yourself the permission that for 5 minutes you won't overthink anything and you'll just write about what wants to come out without controlling it.
Your muse is running away because you're trying to control it, and you're getting tired because you are expending your energy fighting against yourself.
You just wrote 5K words on how you can't write, so I call BS. ;) Please, give me 5 minutes and write free and naked (figuratively) and wild and JUST LET GO and let that pen rip across the page.
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... it's only two thousand. :P
I didn't write this because I felt blocked. I do what you suggested most days, though not by design - usually because I'm stuck in the kitchen, or in a waiting room, and all I have is my little pad of paper. Freewriting-type exercises never worked for me before, but I can give it another try, I guess. It could've just been the school environment.
You know what the muse is leaving me for? Fan fiction. It's running like crazy. That's why I'm trying to leave it alone, but the habit is so ingrained that I feel like I'm letting something lapse if I'm not working on a project. I also miss it, and it's hard to sit and just feel that way when technically it's as easy as pulling up a notepad file. Only it's not.
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My muse jumped ship for World of Warcraft.
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Hey, I've felt exactly the same way. My conclusion? I'm not cut out for a life of writing. -_-;;; I mean, if my body hated it so much, then that's a clue, right?
But what's interesting is that soon after I decided that, the writing bug came back. So even though I write much less than before, I enjoy myself more and the stuff I write has more coherency.
So maybe it could be that you're giving yourself a lot of pressure? It's tough when you want to write but find yourself grappling with unrelated issues instead. It's really frustrating. Um, relax?
You mention motivation for writing, bribing yourself, etc. Seems like those bribes aren't compelling enough. For me and my busy schedule, just having the time and quiet to write is the reward, so maybe you could think about motivating yourself along those lines?
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I mean, if my body hated it so much, then that's a clue, right?
I thought so too, but as someone else up there says - I started calling BS when I got those sudden bouts of tiredness during periods were I was wide awake a minute ago and drinking coffee, and lost them when I decided to play a game. Caffeine doesn't make me tired, so uh, wtf body? It's mental. And being tired is a nice excuse for not doing things, but when it happens all the time, after a full night's sleep, something is going on.
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It infuriates me when hobbyists give advice to someone like me, who is trying to become a professional to slow down and relax about my job. I don't have the luxury, because I am struggling and striving to be a professional in my field.
I think that there is a major difference in people who do something creative for fun or for the feeling of personal achievement, and those who do it because this is the skill they want to make money with. Yes, there are other more important reasons for choosing the profession of writing other than money. You have to love writing, have a creative spirit, etc. But the fact is, we do what we do for money, and so we have to look at it differently. We don't have the luxury of just writing whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want to.
Within the circles of fanfiction and just hobby writers in general, there's this sense that you should spend time on your every work and make it into something brilliant even if you have to go over it for fifty years. In fact, there are fanfiction that go on for hundreds of chapters without end because the writer doesn't even feel the need to wrap it up. In professional terms, that is ridiculous. We make something and finish it in order to sell it, then work on something else. We know that although the previous work was flawed, we gained experience in writing it so that the next one will be better.
It's sort of painful to view it this way, but I think that coming to terms with the fact shows maturity and responsibility. If writing professionally did not require this level of discipline, everyone would write for a living.
And yes, I don't think not writing is the answer to writer's block. -_- I called myself a month's break because I was feeling so depressed. The house is cleaner and I've got a nice tan, but I don't feel any more inclined to go back to my work. In fact, I just keep thinking about the flaws in it and wishing it was shorter so that I could move on to something else. So, I think it was a mistake. I should just stick to my commitment and charge ahead.
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The house is cleaner and I've got a nice tan, but I don't feel any more inclined to go back to my work.
This is what happened to me, too. I took a break because I really needed one, but going back was much harder afterward. It's why consistency is so important to me. I mean... it's a long story. But I've taken breaks - long ones. And I've let myself lapse. All I got out of it was more depression.
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THAT'S what I wanted to say. Exactly that! If you want to be a professional writer, you don't have the luxury to write as if you're a hobbyist.
Also, I agree that not writing is NOT the answer. I haven't written for days and days... and I still don't feel much like writing. I'm randomly inspired, but...alas, words don't come, and sitting down to write makes me feel tired. I'm dissatisfied with everything I write, and I care less and less about writing anything-- even fanfiction, and I know people actually read mine, so I don't know why I feel that way right now.
In short, not writing will only get you into the habit of (surprise!) not writing.
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Comment too long, but it was written with love?
I respectfully disagree that inspiration is the opposite of discipline . I think discipline's opposite is some format of lazy. I think you have an awesome thing going there with your 1500 words a day 5 days a week plan. I also think your time-sheet idea is brilliant. Some might say it's too harsh, but if it's working for you, ahem.. fuck what they think. (Which includes me, btw.) :P The fact of the matter is, that discipline is also akin to having a habit. I read somewhere that it takes 28 days to create a habit. 28 days is a shitton of time... so I challenge you: Can you write at least 200 words a day each day for 28 days straight? It wouldn't matter what, either, not to me as far as the challenge is concerned. You could write in a journal, write on fan-fic, write on original fic, or write something here... it would be all about forming the physical habit of sitting down and typing every day and not about plot, inspiration, or anything "creative". It would be an effort in discipline . (wink) You don't even have to tell me if you take me up on that, ya know. It's terribly presumptuous to lay it down like that.
Your questions... most of them can be answered by "try again." What if you can't do it? Try again. What if you do it wrong? Try again. What if nobody likes it? Try again. You have the skill. Ya know what? You also have permission to fail provided you keep trying. Not trying at all is automatic fail. Active fail is an opportunity to learn from it. Geesh.. it's hard as hell. There's a HUGE pot/kettle comment lurking in that statement. I'm not saying you should change your personality and magically become a more optimistic person.. just shift your view of failure a little bit. It's difficult, and everyone faces it eventually because there's not a person alive today that doesn't screw up something. Don't demand perfection of yourself. Just do it.
Just remember: "Progress, not perfection."
If you got yourself a desk job, please don't consider it "giving up." You have the perfect right to take up a second job and no one will bat an eyelash for it. Lots of people have two jobs. There will be people that will assume you've given up, but you'll know the truth. So will your f-list. For those of us who write purely for hobby, it's easy to forget that is not the case for you. I apologize for making that mistake.
Meh... opinions are like assholes and all that?
Hey, where Minerva can be an awesome coach, I can be the cheerleader? You can do this. Take a deep breath and just do it. I know you can. Do you?
Re: Comment too long, but it was written with love?
I respectfully disagree that inspiration is the opposite of discipline . I think discipline's opposite is some format of lazy.
You're right - that's the correct way to look at it. The reason I went with "inspiration" is because so many people tell me that trying to structure or discipline their writing habits kills the muse. "I could never be a pro because I don't feel like writing often enough" is really common, and puts these two things at odds when normally they shouldn't be. It's not that they're being lazy, I think - lazy would be having an idea, maybe even wanting to write, but not being willing to put the effort in. No, instead, the moment they try to impose their will on the process so they can write when they want, inspiration supposedly leaves.
I don't know why it works this way. The same thing used to happen to me, which is one reason why fanfic has made up the majority of my work for the last ten years. I just followed my inspiration and didn't argue when it decided to leave. But somewhere in there (2008-10?) I figured out how to change that pattern and realized they're not polar opposites after all.
I might take you up on the 200 per day for a month. In fact, I might use that for fic, since I'm devoting all of my 1500 to original fic during the work week. Maybe a drabble a day would feed the fanfic impulse, or... maybe not. >_> I just got struck by a bolt of apathy.
Just shift your view of failure a little bit.
I'm going to try. That's really hard, though.
Hilariously, these perfectionist tendencies are one of the things I have strongly in common with the rest of my family. :P Maybe that's why I'm so obsessive.
Thank you for your comment. <3
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For example, the moment I think about starting a new story or chapter, I'm suddenly very tired, though I felt perfectly fine five minutes ago.
I understand this more than you know. Or maybe you do know. I even understand the vacuuming, the urge to find a snack, a cup of coffee, a can of soda-pop, the cat, a song, that-one-thing-I-misplaced...and so on. I'm really bad about writing, and it's only gotten worse over the last few years.
But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you. (This does make me want to write a journal post of my own, though, so I hope you don't mind me linking back here.)
While I read this, a light-bulb lit up over my head. I get it now. I really do.
Your goal isn't too difficult. It really isn't. Could it cause burnout? Sure. But setting a 4,000-word-a-day goal would be far more likely to do that.
I just wanted to say that I don't think you're overdoing it. I don't think you're asking too much of yourself. I know that at times you probably feel you are. But you're definitely not.
I think you summed it up really well with this: Inspiration might get the story started, but discipline is what will get it done.
Also, this: This isn't just a hobby for me.
It /isn't/ just a hobby. And BECAUSE it's not just a hobby, you do need a routine, a schedule, even if that schedule is only 1,500 words a day. A person who works at [insert job here] doesn't miss work because s/he's tired/bored/wants a cookie/needs to vacuum.
There will be days where the words just refuse to come, sure. But generally speaking, I don't think it'd be that hard to crank out 1,500 words a day for five days a week. (Or even seven days, now that I think about it.)
Why? Because it's not a hobby. It's a job/future career. You have the opportunity to write FULL-TIME unlike a lot of writers! So I honestly believe you are right in cracking down and forcing yourself to write. A lot of people who want to be novelists would give anything to be in your shoes-- unlimited time to write every week (for the most part).
I'm sorry if I'm not making as much sense as I intend to. But I thought you should know that I hear ya-- and that your reasons have clicked in all the right places in my brain! Go go go! I will be cheering from the sidelines. :)
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As for being good at writing my thoughts down... I still don't always explain myself well enough, and go off on tangents. But you do pretty well yourself, you know. I saw your journal post and want to reply, but it'll take some thought, and someone might beat me to the punch. XD
You made perfect sense, and thank you for understanding what I was trying to get at. Believe me, I know how lucky I am - my husband is an artist, and I've seen first-hand how hard it can be for him to find time to paint when he also has a full time job, and I had similar problems when I was going to school full time and spending hours a day just on the commute. That made me more productive, in a free time-to-work ratio, but this really is the chance of a lifetime. It'll never happen again once I give it up. That's why I want to develop the discipline to properly take advantage of it.
Thank you for your comment~ <3 I appreciate the reassurance.